It’s that time of year again. I, for one, am more excited than ever to be your official mock draft expert for the upcoming Sweet Baby Ray’s draft this next week. A lot of teams have garnered the national media attention over this draft cycle but no team, and I mean no team, has garnered more attention than Chicken Teriyaki, the number 1 overall team in this upcoming draft after failing miserably last year in the BFL with minimal saucage and no dry support from their spices, which we will for sure get into another day. Another team that has, deservedly so, received a lot of attention is the juggernaut Tenders, mainly because tendies are fucking sick. With that being said, the final, 17.0, Sweet Baby Ray’s Mock:
- Chicken Teriyaki: Hickory and Brown Sugar. A surprise pick here from the Chicken Teriyaki’s, but chicken teriyaki is a surprising bunch. Hickory and Brown Sugar sauce not only tastes like hickory, which I have no idea what hickory is but I am guess it is a tree, but it tastes like brown sugar, which is good on basically everything, even if you throw a hickory tree into that. Now make that a sauce made from the hand of the Sweet Baby Ray himself, and you got a bonafide dish and a half where you not only have chicken teriyaki, but tree and brown sugar sauce, which again, I have never tried.
- Meat Sticks: The Meat Sticks have a lot of needs, so I believe they will address one of those needs by selecting Sweet Vidalia Onion sauce. Now, I can already hear the boo’s from the Meat Sticks fanbase, but hear me out. Vidalia sounds a little bit like medallion, which as we all know from critically acclaimed film, The Medallion, nominated for the Hong Kong Film Award for Best Action Choreography and Best Visual Effects, is something that is Sweet, just as the name implies from the gecko/get-go. Plus, a little side note here, the onion actually just refers to the website, the Onion, so its really just the taste of sweet medallions, like the movie The Medallion, liked by 86% of Google users and streaming everywhere #ad.
- Tenders: Yes, the tendies won the BFL once again this year and unless there is an expansion of the league soon, we might be seeing a quintuple peat from the Tenders as they steamroll the rest of the league. The Tenders as we see it might only get stronger with this pick as their selection in my FINAL, version 17.0, mock draft will be the Kickin Bourbon Marinade. This marinade, as the name implies, kicks bourbon’s ass and reiterates that it goes one step higher than getting drunk off bourbon in downtown New Orleans. What makes this such a dangerous pick as it can possibly make the tenders better than they already are. Imagine the Tenders with an offense with something stronger than Bourbon? I simply cannot fathom it unless the Tenders will be using something along the lines of straight Everclear, which as we know is a banned substance within the BFL, which is why I have the Tenders taking Kickin Bourbon with the final pick of the first round due to the endless possibilities of what this marinade will be and what it can do coming into the BFL.
Probably Wondering 