Often one of those hotly debated topics that never sees the light of a resolution, the notion of “spice” could almost be categorized as the 9th or 10th wonder of the world (not enough for 8th). What constitutes a brilliant, no not a brilliant, a transcendent spice is something we cannot fully understand, but our imagination, more importantly our taste buds, can bring us close to the conclusion. Unequivocally a daunting task, we attempt to break down the five greatest spices of all time. If you’ve come here looking for refuge or to be assured of whatever dastardly assumptions you’ve previously had on spice, you will most likely leave here disappointed. A great Jedi once said “there is no try”, but he must not have known the bounds that I have had to go to to write this article. Here, we try. Another great Jedi also said “I hate sand”. That man knew his spice. Hopefully he gets to read this. Otherwise, time to delve.
- Pepper
I put this s**t on everything man. Pasta, pizza, peas, you name it. Pepper knows no bounds. Not only does it help us escape from the mundane taste of some foods, it adds a kick to our lives. The Warren Moon of spices. When Gunna said “Pushin P”, he was talking about Pepper. Trust me.
2. Spice Girls
Five beautiful women with hit songs and a name like that? Sure-fire winner. Nine #1 chart toppers. Just incredible stuff by an incredible spice. If only they had a song titled “Salt and Pepper” they probably would’ve been #1 on this list. Would’ve been too much spice to deny.
3. Paprika
Something about Paprika just makes it stand tall. It’s arguably the most beautiful spice, its blood-orange making it just intoxicating. I couldn’t even tell you if I’ve ever actually tasted Paprika, but man it looks great. Don’t listen to your parents when they tell you looks aren’t everything. Would’ve been #1 if not for that hellish Geico commercial.
4. Spice Adams
Gooooood morninggggg ah ha ha. What a guy. People forget he was in the NFL.
5. Salt (2010 film)
What a film. Angelina Jolie could commit unthinkable crimes and my opinion of her would never falter. Dear god I would’ve cracked so hard in that interrogation scene. Could’ve been higher if they didn’t type-cast Liev Schreiber. Angelina I love you.
Dishonorable Mentions:
Salt – anyone who actually puts salt on anything needs to see the back of a cop car.
Garlic – people will be here claiming this is a spice but it’s not. You don’t cook spices. Idiot.
Ben Affleck – not a spice but deserves a dishonorable mention.
Montreal Steak Seasoning
Sand – see Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Probably Wondering 